A feverish start to the spring

Yesterday was the first day back at work after spending the holiday break sleeping and eating an obscene amount of chocolate. When I dragged my sorry ass into the office yesterday after struggling to get out of bed before lunchtime, my calendar for the Spring semester was bare except for a few holidays and a couple of grant deadlines. Tonight, a mere 36 hours later, the calendar is suddenly chocked full of meetings, classes, meetings, meetings, stupid meetings, office hours, really stupid meetings.

Grrrr.

I did stumble across another small grant opportunity for which I have a proposal that can be recycled with only mild tweaking. Sigh. That makes two grants due in the next few weeks. And the teaching semester starts next week.

Heavy sigh.

After feeling more than a little overwhelmed at the sudden calendar chaos, I was on my way out the door this evening when I was inadvertently dragged into a discussion that quickly turned into a two hour argument about why a committee on which I am a (fairly silent and not-very-valued) member made Decision X and Choice Y.

Grrrr.

The only saving grace today was discovering that someone had left a large tin of Belgian chocolates in the lunch room. I assumed that they were for everyone. It’s a bit late now as the secretary and I didn’t leave much for anyone else. Very tasty.

Realities

It’s interesting reading some blogs written by current grad students and postdocs in which they disagree with their PI’s way of managing his/her lab and swear they would do things differently if/when they have their own lab.

I, too, had these same thoughts as a grad student and then as a postdoc and had high hopes of being able to concentrate more on the people in my lab but the reality of being a junior TT faculty member brought those hopes crashing down to earth with a thud.

With annual reviews and tenure/promotion looming on the distant horizon, the pressure is on from Day One to fill the lab with productive people and to work them to death cranking out data, publishing and getting grant funding. There’s also teaching, tons of useless committee responsibilities, grant writing, manuscript reviewing, blah, blah, blah, sucking time that could be spent with the lab peeps and helping to develop their own ideas for fanfuckingtastic projects.

The pressure on junior faculty (particularly in the sciences) to publish and get funded is immense and, as much as we want to nurture our lab peeps and look after their interests, our immediate priority is to watch our own backs and make sure we stay on track ... otherwise EVERYONE is out of a job.

Sure, you could try to buck the system as an assistant professor. Take on a couple of promising peeps in the lab, pay them what they are really worth and let them mature as scientists at their own pace. It’s what we would ALL like to do. It just isn’t practical or possible in the current system and at the assistant professor level, you have neither the time nor the money to do this.

Does this make me part of the problem? Undoubtedly, yes.

Is there anything I can do in my current position to remedy this situation? No. Not really. Not if I want to keep my job. And if I’m out of a job, everyone in my lab will be on the street.

Is there anything I could do if/when I am able to become an established PI and gain tenure? Maybe. But probably not.

The anti-stereotype

It never ceases to amaze or amuse me when people are shocked and stunned to discover that I have a PhD. I guess I don’t look like I’m smart enough to be a PhD or maybe I don’t look old enough. Perhaps it’s because I don’t look or act like a scientist or academic, whatever the hell that is. I don’t wear a lab coat at the gym, don’t wear my academic robes and stupid hat when I go to the supermarket and I don’t use big sciencey words when conversing with strangers at ski resorts. The public perception of a PhD or professor is definitely not that of a chocoholic, asskicking, more-than-slightly-accident-prone outdoor junkie who would much rather be hiking, snowshoeing or climbing than stuck in a lab or teaching a class.

My new neighbors dropped by to introduce themselves a few weeks ago and were surprised to find that I was a professor at Really Big U ... the fact that I was lying on the couch wearing red flannel pyjamas at 4pm on a Friday afternoon probably didn't help.

Sleepy

It’s been a pretty bumpy year for me. Teaching, setting up my lab, dealing with colleagues and grad students, traveling a gazillion miles over several different countries, a couple of surgeries, endless visits to various medical personnel, buying a house, moving, visiting family in the land far, far away, etc.

And as the year comes to a close, I am completely and utterly exhausted. I routinely require a solid 8 hours of sleep each night and that usually suffices regardless of what I’ve been doing. For the past week, I’ve been sleeping 10-12 hours each night. Age is also starting to play havoc with the normal workings of my body and I’m sure I’ve transitioned from chronic anemia to being on the verge of needing a transfusion.

A part of me is wondering why I signed up for this lifestyle. Another part of me likes the challenge and the variety. But I'm now committed to doing everything I can to make it work.

Things need to calm down next year, particularly at work, as I’m not sure my body or my sanity can take another round. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? As if anything’s going to get easier on the TT. If I could just reduce the number of medical emergencies, maybe that would suffice.

Sigh.

Tired again. Must sleep.

Tracking Santa

If you (or your kids) are interested, you can track Santa’s progress here. Very amusing.

Merry Christmas, all.

Christmas plans

Ok, so Christmas Day really isn’t a big thing for me. I’m an atheist so the religious significance doesn’t apply. My family were never big on Big Christmassy Celebrations and the day was usually spent being nice to each other for a couple of hours while presents were unwrapped and then going back to our regular routines. None of my family are in the US and my friends are all on the other side of the country. And this isn’t the first Christmas I will spend alone - it is probably the tenth or twelfth or something like that. For me, it’s just another day, albeit a day where eating a lot of fatty foods is accepted.

I’ve had a multitude of invitations for Christmas lunch and/or dinner at friends’ and colleagues’ houses all over the country. While I appreciate the kind gestures I really don’t want to crash anyone else’s family thing and then there’s the whole frosty introvert thing to deal with. And to be brutally honest, I’d much rather spend the day snowshoeing. And then return home to lie on the couch and eat my body weight in Doritos and/or chocolate.

However, I was informed by one of my colleagues today that I need to get used to the family-oriented lifestyle of New City and accept the fact that I should spend the day at someone’s house. Even if I really don’t want to.

I just nodded and told her I’d let her know if I decided to join her family for dinner.

I hope she isn’t holding her breath. That could end in tragedy.

Interesting observations

1. Everyone assumes that I’ll be disappearing from work for a couple of weeks because classes are over despite the fact that my lab is still cranking out data and my trainees and I need to meet next week to go over their slave lab work for the holidays (while I hit the slopes).

2. A new PI from Big Money Program just moved into the lab next to mine and promptly got a locksmith to install non-university-approved locks on the door connecting the two labs. The door is an emergency exit for us but that doesn’t seem to bother New PI. Not sure if the locks are meant to keep us out of his lab or to protect whatever the fuck it is that he has in there. Apparently Big Money Program don't care if my trainees and I are trapped in the lab in the event of an emergency. Fuckers.

3. Our university is setting up a service center for some of the shared lab resources and Big Money Program has titled it the “Big Money Program Service Center” despite the fact that there are other programs and departments using the facility. This is undoubtedly a sign of things to come. Fuckers.

4. Every afternoon this week an entire family of ducks decided to cross the road at the exact moment that I left the parking lot. I think it’s a conspiracy.