I just had the most frustrating and ridiculously stupid argument with one of my neighbors that ended with her slamming her door in my face.
Fucking fat bitch.
All because she wouldn’t move her car so that I could get MY car into MY garage.
Apparently it’s MY fault that other cars have taken all of the spaces in the parking lot and that her garage is full of furniture leaving her with the (supposedly) only viable option of parking so close to my garage that only my amazing reversing skills could successfully maneuver into the garage without hitting anything.
When I said that I didn’t want to have to knock on her door in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning so that I could get my car in/out her response was that I should just park on the street. What, even though you refuse to do this, you fat fuck? No, I think I’ll just park in front of someone else’s garage and continue the fuckwittedness.
Fucking dumbfuck.
Even though we were standing no more than 20 yards from her truck AND she had been watching tv, she actually had the gall to tell me that she’d go and move her car later on this evening if she got around to it and things got a little heated when I finally got sick of asking nicely and said that if she didn’t move it, I would call the tow truck.
Lazy fucking skank.
And don’t even get me started on the state of our teaching labs for my first class today.
Shit, I’m so angry my hands are shaking. Where are the goddamned Doritos?
TLQ week 3
12 hours ago
Welcome to Country of Entitlement. Population: mostly everyone.
ReplyDeletePiT, you need to start drinking. Seriously. I recommed Jameson.
ReplyDeleteI'm with PP, you need to switch to Jameson. Mind you its only because I covet Doritos too. Unfortunately, I do not have your discipline with regards to the exercise. I don't give into temptation, therefore I suffer immeasurable everytime you mention them. Switch to Jameson please!
ReplyDeleteTanqueray ftw.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to start drinking Jameson tonight, I would be drunker than a motherfucking skunk and I don't think world is ready for Inebriated, Crankypants Me.
ReplyDeleteI have got two words for you: TOW - AWAY.
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted to get a load of stickers printed out that say "the driver of this car is a fucking idiot". Then I can stick them on from my bike after a close encounter or after I have to squeeze through two cars that are blocking the intersection. No permanent damage to the car, therefore no law suit, but a really sticky sticker that takes forever to come off.
ReplyDeleteCall the tow truck.
ReplyDeleteCath, I feel your pain as I've been hit a few times while cycle commuting and have the scars to prove it. The most memorable was when a car hit me and then drove off while I lay bleeding in the middle of a crosswalk and then had the pedestrians just walk around me. I became very adept at quickly grabbing my pump or just using my cleated shoes and giving cars a swift hit/kick if they tried to brush past me.
ReplyDeleteI hear you.... same thing, almost anyway, in my little neighborhood. Although here you park in front of the house I live in. Why park in front of your house?!? Well, I don't know but apparently my enternace is so much nicer.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't help that the person parking the car is most likely a drunk since it is always with at least one tire on the sidewalk.... really?!
And don't get me started when it was parked so my driveway was partially blocked. "someone" had to tell me that even if my car is old and not worth it, it would be my bill to pay for the repairs... my response "thier car is newer and it would hurt more".
still, I sucked it up.
with you, I'd call tow trucking. And/Or the stickers. Or why not park your car in front of her house>?!?!
oof - I've never actually been hit, but I have a close call on average once a month. Just yesterday I had to pull in sharply behind a parked car and into a big pile of slush because a massive truck carrying telegraph poles was NOT going to leave me enough room and I didn't want to get sideswiped. My other favourite is cars in the central lane coming flying through a red light (that has been red for some time), even though the car in the kerb lane has stopped and the cars in both lanes in the other direction have stopped. That happens about 4 times a year at various intersections. The last guy missed my front wheel by about 6 inches.
ReplyDeletePiT -
ReplyDeleteCath, I feel your pain as I've been hit a few times while cycle commuting and have the scars to prove it.
I actually got swiped once and the asshole had the gall to stop and look at the side of his car. He then started berating me for the scratch on the side of his car. He liked the crease I put in his hood even less, but realized that I was a lot more fucking pissed than he was and might actually hurt him. He decided to beat a hasty retreat - I almost busted his window and then tried to chase him down the road. Alas, adrenaline let me down.
Never took a hit that left me bleeding on the sidewalk, but I did end up at Powell's books with a couple of pretty good bleeders. I had a pretty good crash with a stoned cycler (admittedly, I was high too, but it was his fault dammit!) and hadn't noticed a couple of light gashes. The one on my cheek was truly awesome. Hardly hurt at all, healed entirely in a couple of days - bled like holy hell.
Gotta love Portland though, and especially Powell's. No funny looks, no weird comments. Just an employee wandering up, handing me a towel and asking quite casually if I was aware that I was bleeding. Gotta really love Portland - she asked me out too.
DuWayne: again, I've had a similar experience. I was approaching a roundabout one dark night and a car overtook me as I rounded the first curve and then pulled right in front of me, barely missing my front wheel. I had screamed some outrageously awful obscenity at the bitch that was driving and she heard it, hit the brakes and I ran straight into the rear bumper. She then proceeded to get out of the car and made a great show of checking for damage, so without missing a beat, I pulled a pen and paper out of my backpack and made a show of writing down her tag details (in the days before cell phones). Needless to say, this incensed her tremendously and she was actually standing toe-to-toe with me in the middle of the road screaming about how she was going to sue me. I calmly informed her that I was going straight to the nearest police station, got on my bike and rode away but had to stop when I got around the first corner as I was shaking with fury. I didn't end up reporting the incident but wished I had about a week later when I realized that the front wheel was out of alignment and that it needed to be tweaked.
ReplyDeleteBitch starts threatening to sue? That's when I'd start rubbing on my neck and talking about a trip to the hospital to make sure everything's ok.
ReplyDeleteOn second thought, no. Getting hit by a couple thousand pound missile on wheels gets me pretty fucking pissed and my thinking isn't always straight when I get that mad. Like thinking I'm going to actually catch the car on my bike (though I might of if he hadn't run a very orange light).
But it was a nice thought, you have to admit...
BIzzzatch!!!
ReplyDeleteCath: I have a bunch of those stickers!! They say "I park like an idiot" and there's a website to go along with them.
http://www.iparklikeanidiot.com/
Arlenna, I want, nay, need, a whole stack of those stickers. I wonder if they'll do a custom batch for drivers who almost kill cyclists?
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine once chased after a car that had shunted him into the next lane. The guy pulled into his driveway and went into the house, so my friend walked up to the car and left a note under the wiper saying "this is from the cyclist you almost killed at 5.45 pm at [intersection]. Aren't you lucky that I'm not the kind of guy to smash your windscreen or slash your tyres? You might not be so lucky with the next cyclist you hit".
Arlenna: those stickers are DA BOMB! I'm definitely going to order some.
ReplyDeleteCath: you've gotta be really careful chasing cars to prove a point ... I almost got wiped out in Bike-Friendly College Town by a fucknut that refused to concede that a car AND a bicycle cannot both occupy a single traffic lane at the same time. I was flying down a hill at the time and was actually exceeding the speed limit when a car caught up to me and tried to squeeze me into the kerb. I was obviously incensed (it doesn't take much!) and put the hammer down at the bottom of the hill, caught up to him at the next set of lights and proceeded to yell at the heavily-tinted side window about exactly what I thought of their shitty driving skills. At this point, the window was lowered to reveal two huge guys who could have easily crushed me like a twig and the guy in the passenger seat leaned towards me, blew out a lungful of smoke and gave me a defiant look that said, "next time I'll pop a cap in yo ass." Scared the shit out of me. Totally unnecessary situation that could have killed me either way.
Yikes! Scary stuff.
ReplyDeleteLast night I witnessed yet another example of a driver thinking they don't need to indicate at a roundabout, even when turning left. I ALMOST shouted out my usual cheery greeting of "fucking SIGNAL next time", but realised just in time that it was an unmarked police car.
UPDATE on the parking situation: Fat Fuck Neighbor has been conspicuously absent for a day or so but her truck was legally parked near, but not blocking, my garage this morning. Interestingly, as I was leaving to go to work, a tow truck arrived and waited for me to leave before it started to reverse towards her truck. She wasn't illegally parked this time and I swear I didn't call them but I wasn't hanging around to find out if they picked up her truck or not. I guess I'll find out when I get home to find a dead chicken hanging from the door knob ...
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm sure this is incredibly frustrating for you, but there is no excuse for the language you are using here. Yeah she's a fucking idiot, but your use of gendered insults, particularly fat bitch and skank are overkill.
ReplyDeleteIf a man used these phrases, every female commenter here would lay into him. It isn't acceptable for you not to be called on it. (yes, I know, it's your blog and you'll write how you want, blogposts last forever)
Anon: get off your high horse, seriously. If you were familiar with my blog, you would know that I'm a very reasonable person who approaches most situations with a tongue-in-cheek attitude. What's next? Are you going to call me out for being an atheist? If you don't like what you see, go somewhere else. I've got too many other things going on to be censoring my posts to suit you.
ReplyDeletethat was an awesome response. You rock!
ReplyDelete