Had to catch a cab to the airport because I forgot to book the airport shuttle as they were complete sold out (how the hell does an airport shuttle sell out?) and was picked up by a large woman who loved to talk. So we were chatting merrily about the dismal state of the economy when she remarked that she was praying for things to get better and asked if I was a churchgoer.
I usually try to deflect these types of questions by simply saying that I don’t because I don’t like to make a big deal out of being an atheist as I know that some people find my lack of beliefs to be a mortal sin (or something). Anyway, I tried to change the topic but the cab driver was having none of that and asked me if I believed in Jesus. If I had even half a brain I probably should have just nodded and let it slide but I said that I didn’t but that I respected the fact that she did.
Well … then the tirade started. For the remaining 20min of the ride, I had to endure a tirade of bible-bashing where I was told several times that I was a tool of Satan and that I was definitely going to hell. I’m too damned polite to insist that someone shuts the fuck up so I just kept nodding and looking out the window in the hope that she would pipe down but the volume and force of her tirade continued to increase.
I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see the sight of an airport as I was when we finally arrived. Even as I paid, exited the cab and walked into the terminal, she continued to call out after me making sure everyone within earshot knew that I was going to hell.
Tell me something I don’t know!
Parenting Failure
1 day ago
I'll see you there. We can toast marshmallows.
ReplyDeleteThat's outrageous! YOU were paying HER to drive you to the airport, and she gets to preach at you?!
ReplyDeleteThe world is a crazy place
p.s. see you in hell ;)
I hope you gave a tip commensurate of her level of "service."
ReplyDeleteYeah, this is like the New Orleans conference I attended that started on a Saturday afternoon and ran for five days. The cabbie, aware that there was a conference starting, said confidently, "They must give you Sunday off so you can attend church though."
ReplyDeleteHe was really, really shocked to hear that Sunday was treated as, um, just another poster-and-talk day. Pretty sure that when we wonder, "Why does everyone think that scientists are rabid amoral atheists?" that we are never going to overcome the force of these interactions.
Wow - I sure hope you didn't give her a tip!! That would piss me off almost to the point of complaining to the taxi company - but I'm a wuss and wouldn't do it! LOL
ReplyDeleteWell, that will teach you to book your shuttle ride early next time ;-)
ReplyDeleteReminds me of an episode narrated by Bertrand Russell, recounting the experience of being jailed for his (alleged) anti-American propaganda. Upon being asked by the jail attendant what his religion was, Russell said agnostic -- to which the attendant replied "Well, we all belong to many different confessions, but in the end we all believe in the same God"...
Marshmallows? STEAKS, dude, STEAKS!
ReplyDeleteLOL that is awesome. Kind of like the pro-Matt Drudge, anti-Obama tirade me and my sister got from a crazy homeless-looking cabbie when we were at a conference in San Diego.
ReplyDeleteOMG. I hope you didn't tip her.
ReplyDeleteShe's lucky she didn't get a smack upside her head.
I get the same awesomeness from my aunt-in-law every time we visit the homeland, despite my very-best-efforts to avoid any word of politics, religion, or really anything other than cooking.
ReplyDeleteHow much does one tip for 20 minutes of straight-to-hell lecturing? I've always wondered, as I've gotten this before too when cab drivers have discovered that I am Jewish (which is even WORSE than being an atheist, because, you know, I KILLED Jesus).
ReplyDeleteYou fucking tipped her, didn't you?
ReplyDeleteNot cool.
ReplyDelete(That wasn't an intentional pun, either.)
My father's sister-- whom I've loathed since I was five-- is both a Deep Southerner and a Creationist Christian. I made the mistake once of trying to explain vestigial traits to my baby cousin in front of her. . . that's how I found out about the creationist streak . . .
Whatever. If you're going to hell, then you're just one more reason for people like me to want to crash that party instead. Besides, I bet Ceiling Cat doesn't serve Doritos.
She got a $2 tip simply because the fare was $28 and I threw $30 at her before jumping out of the cab as there was no way I was hanging around for more brimstone and hellfire. I have to admit that the whole ordeal was pretty damned funny but I can't help but wonder why this always happens to me!
ReplyDeleteAnd Massimo: I wish I could say that I learned my lesson about booking airport shuttles in advance but we both know that it'll happen again!
As for the rest of you: I look forward to joining you for marshmallows, steaks and all the other goodies in hell. As my father continually reminds me, it'll be warm and he and all of my friends will be there.
Do you think we can toast chico rolls in hell? Anyway, I'll see you there. Should be quite a party.
ReplyDeleteI've gotten the "you're going to hell" bit, but "tool of Satan"? You really must've made an impression! :-)
ReplyDeletehave fun in hell ya'll.. I was wishing for heaven (although considering the last couple of years I'm not sure any more...) I do fancy steaks more than philadelphia cheese though (a commercial back home long ago with angles spreading philly cheez on their sandwiches)
ReplyDelete:)
Maybe not as crazy (or maybe it is) but hear this: I live in New Orleans (grad student) and I used to volunteer at the zoo here. We had to take a course to be able to volunteer at the zoo. One day, the head of the education department at the zoo came to give one of the seminars. She was talking about DOs and DONTs. She goes "Never ever mention the E word"
ReplyDeleteExcuse me? WTF is E word? Turns out this person apparently thinks "Evolution" is like a curse word.
She said "you can mention adaptation, but you should never say that word" (As if, even just saying it would get her to hell).
There was a girl who got pissed off and left the class. She never came back. I chose to stay and wrote a huge letter explaining how ignorant they are (I did not call them this though). We communicated, which was nice, but I do not think it changed anything.
And this is a story of mine :)
Haha -- one woman's paradise is another woman's hell. Could you imagine spending eternity with her and her clones (now THAT would be hell)? Everything is a matter of perspective....
ReplyDeleteRGP
it's cruel not to reinforce these people's beliefs. this is all many of them have. you should always humor them. she probably went home and hit her kids.
ReplyDelete