I would like to publicly announce that I have decided to leave academia and pursue a new career.
I want to be a bounty hunter.
More specifically, I want to be the female version of Dog the Bounty Hunter.*
My plan is to get some serious breast augmentation, wear clothes that are several sizes too small (preferably white leather or vinyl) and pursue bail jumpers.
I figure that in my new career I can apply some of the skills that I’ve accumulated during my time in academia ... persistence, determination, research, troubleshooting ... in addition to my lifelong dream of helping to bring villains to justice.
Oh, and I plan to peroxide my hair to within an inch of it’s life and get it cut into a supercool mullet.
And best of all? I get to charge into bathrooms with my bounty hunting posse bearing flashlights and shouting “Freeze motherfucker!” I can then get the offender in a headlock and shout “Yeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh, motherfucker!”
Hey, if Dog can do that, so can I.
And then I can use my mentoring skills to counsel the offender on making better life choices and being a better person before I deliver them to the police station.
Yeah baby! I’m going to totally rock my new career.
Sigh.
Ok, so I’ve had a bad day at work.
I don’t think the US government will allow me to remain in H-1B work status if I become a bounty hunter as you apparently don’t need an advanced degree.
Damn.
Looks like I’ll have to stay in my current position for a little while longer.
Hmmm ... although I could still do the breast implants, white leather/vinyl and peroxided mullet ...
I could totally pull off that look.
* Actually, I’d probably be more like this female bounty hunter. I’m a huge fan of hers and am almost as accident prone but luckily I don’t have her problem with cars exploding or catching on fire.
Music Monday: Bear-y good tunes for the science.
40 minutes ago
4 comments:
No one in the department would fuck with you of you walked in one day with the bounty hunter look. I think you should go with it. The key is always wearing sunglasses, no matter what the occassion. They might give you a raise out of fear that you would bust in and ask for one if they didn't.
You should totes wear mirrored aviator glasses to all faculty meetings.
I'd say consider professional wrestling. Larger audience, and you don't have to search all over town to find the opponent.
So... you basically want to be (or at least look like) Dog's wife.
Post a Comment
Go ahead and say whatever you like. Comments will only be removed if they are spam or are of a vicious/derogatory nature.