Monday, July 13, 2009

Out of office

The worst thing about long-haul flights?

Being stuck in a window seat on a full flight (despite insisting that you wanted an aisle seat) next to a huge fat man who doesn't understand that he only paid for one seat, not those on either side of him. Oh, and poking his fleshy arm 10 hours into the flight to let him know that you need him to get out so that you can go to the bathroom only to have him respond with, "Oh, for fuck's sake." Motherfucker.

The best thing about long-haul flights?

There isn't one.

The worst thing about traveling halfway around the world to see your family?

Seeing how much they've aged since your last visit and having your mother talk about what she plans to do when your father is dead. (For the record, my father is in pretty good condition, all things considered.)

The best thing about traveling halfway around the world to see your family?

Knowing that, regardless of what you do or how far away you do it, your family loves you unconditionally and are proud of every single accomplishment.
Posted by Professor in Training at 11:02 AM

10 comments:

Ambivalent Academic said...

...having your mother talk about what she plans to do when your father is dead.

I feel kind of terrible about this, but that statement right there made me laugh out loud. I snorted too. That really shouldn't be fun, but damn, people are just absurd sometimes and what can you do but laugh?

Have fun on your vacation!

July 13, 2009 1:49 PM
Ambivalent Academic said...

fun = funny

woops

July 13, 2009 1:50 PM
Katie said...

"Being stuck in a window seat on a full flight (despite insisting that you wanted an aisle seat) next to a huge fat man who doesn't understand that he only paid for one seat, not those on either side of him."

I HATE this. Yes, I get that you shouldn't be discriminated against because you're overweight and be made to buy two seats, but why should I have to suffer just because I fit into mine?

July 13, 2009 3:32 PM
tideliar said...

Yup. #3 all the fucking time,

And my version of #1 is some gentleman of Indian Subcontinent descent sat in front of me who thinks it's perfectly fine to put his seat right back flat into my lap. I say no. I say it with loud vigour.

July 14, 2009 12:15 PM
Anonymous said...

I object to the last comment's focus on one ethnicity/nationality. I've had people from all parts of the world pull that reclining seat stunt. I've just come off a long haul flight myself for 2 weeks with the fam and had a Spaniard place their seat in my lap.

July 15, 2009 2:52 AM
Krazy Kitty said...

What my grandma plans to do when my grandpa passes away is to pass away herself. Although she hasn't been mentioning it much since he's in a poor health.

July 15, 2009 11:42 AM
Candid Engineer said...


Being stuck in a window seat on a full flight (despite insisting that you wanted an aisle seat) next to a huge fat man who doesn't understand that he only paid for one seat

The only thing worse than this is if the large person taking up your seat also stinks. I got to enjoy such a delightful scenario on a motherfucking 16 hour flight two years ago. Thank God that I was so preoccupied with getting the fuck home that I didn't care how I got there.

July 15, 2009 2:55 PM
chall said...

#3 with the twist "when your father is dead I will come and live with you and we will have such a splendid time together". (Alternative one "if you lived closer we could have dinner every Sunday")

Both ones are a No in my head. I'm clearly a bad child. But it hurts to see them get older and more fragile every time...

Number 1 might be annoying although I have smelly (perfume thanks I'm choking already or sweat/snuff) or screaming children might be worse. Sorry. But having a desperately crying child in the seat next to you for a few hours and then they start climbing on you and/or kicking you.... well... that's tough since they are just kids so you can't really yell at them. Maybe their parents but I still feel wierd about it all.

The stinking part is worse still. I ended up behind a woman who used more perfume during the flight and I started coughing uncontrollable because of that. completely useless.

*I always ask for aisle. Want to be able to move when I want to.

July 16, 2009 1:09 PM
Professor in Training said...

The fat guy coughed, sneezed and wheezed his way through the whole flight and kept putting his much-used handkerchief in the seat pocket in front of him. Ugh. Disgusting. I now have a sore throat. I plan to hunt him down and kill him.

Chall: I also always ask for an aisle seat on the long flights for the same reason. I have one confirmed for the return trip.

July 16, 2009 1:56 PM
Anonymous said...

once i was taking a flight and the luggage was about 5 pounds more and the guy asked me to take out. but the guy checked in before me was about maybe 3 times my weight. i made a joke to the checkin and he was very update...;-)

July 23, 2009 8:16 AM

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