Dear Grant Agency,
Please explain why I, as a new investigator who is already an assistant professor, am required to provide a gazillion confidential letters of reference in addition to a letter of support from my department chair when applying for your grants? Can you explain the logic behind this? Will this alter the supercoolosity and fantastic potential of the science I'm proposing? Do you understand that as I will be submitting two different proposals to your agency that means I will need two gazillion motherfucking letters of reference plus two from Dept Chair? Do you have any idea how stupid this is? Do you also need a letter from my mother giving me permission to submit these goddamned grants?
You fucking suck. And you don't have a fucking clue about anyfuckingthing.
That is all.
Yours in a most outraged motherfucking state,
4 hours ago